Finding My Fit: Powerlifting and Eating Disorders

Hi there everyone! Welcome back to another edition of Julie fails at life or rather what I need to do to confront both the direct and indirect symptoms of my Eating Disorder.  So often I do feel like a complete failure when I have a bad day. Anyone else feel like that sometimes? Then once it is all over and I have worked myself up and lost all sense of control and eaten my feelings away or dissolved into a blubbering mess on the floor- I feel better. Its a constant struggle of feeling like you are hitting the emotional bottom and then bouncing straight back up. There is a sense of catharsis in letting it all out after being wound up and up and up all day only to explode into a mess of emotion and let it all go. I mean it works- but it isnt exactly practical. Having a melt down every so often, especially when you are under a lot of stress, just seems to get in the way. Then there comes the back lash you can get when you then feel weak, like you can not make it or you aren't stro

Sometimes the only thing people here or see are the good and strong moments. It is really hard to show people the weak moments. I just wrote this like half  an hour ago...sometimes you need to remind yourself that you are actually sick and that even though you are technically in recovery that it doesn't mean you have been "healed". For anyone who is wondering, this is what a not so great meal time looks like to me: "Why do I do this to myself? I do this same thing over and over and i never seem to learn....i feel like Prometheus- a man who did a great deed and then was punished over and over every single day his action. I convince myself that I deserve a treat, that I have been good, that I am hungry, that it will all be OK....and then I eat, and eat, and eat without thinking or hesitation and then....in the moments after, when all is said and done, i hate myself for having forced so much food in my body. I hate myself in those moments after when it feels like eve

Another year is rounding the corner and I have so many people posting their New Year's Resolutions on their social media accounts. So many people take this time of year to re-commit to their fitness and healthy routines and the gyms are always swamped with people trying to get rid of those holiday pounds. The more and more you dig around on social media the more and more you might be seeing posts talking how the benefits or the pitfalls of making New Year's Resolutions. Some people find them motivating and starting the new year with good intentions tend to help people finally find a starting point in the never ending cycles of life. It used to be a given that everyone made their own resolutions: give up smoking, eat better, exercise, etc but the newest trend seems to be that resolutions are "bad for you". Of course I don't mean that making decisions to better yourself are bad things- however there does seem to be a camp that feels as though making resolutions sh

Hi there everyone. I can't believe how long it has been since I wrote anything here, months have gone by and my life has been changing and evolving. Some things have gotten better and some things have definitely gotten worse...the things that have gotten better are great but the things that have gotten worse- or out of control really got away from me. One thing in particular was this blog. I remember loving to write here and using it as an outlet for my emotional needs and for me to push some of the anxiety in my life out. This place was a part of my healing and my journey and I just lost it. I left it behind and wow it made a difference. I guess I should start where I left off. The last post here was about my birthday and while it was a good birthday everything was already piling up on top of me- stress from work was growing immense and my social life and other obligations pushed my workouts to the back burner. I have managed to maintain my weight within a healthy range (

Well, here it is, this biggest birthday....so far anyway. For women turning 30 seems to be the turning point in their lives, the media has filled women's heads for generations that somehow the magical number 30 is the end of their youth, the end of their sex appeal, the end of their "party years"...etc. but why? Honestly, I couldn't escape these messages either- soaking them up since I was little girl like a sponge. It is horrifying. But for me, the years from 28 to 30 have been the best of my life....not just the best because of the people in my life, but also because I finally made the decision to be proactive about my health and to seek some real treatment for my Eating Disorder and to be dedicated to strength and fitness... I have a feeling, going forward, that my life is going to go in a whole new direction, that I am on the verge of something truly great and maybe that is just the realization of a life well lived... So here is to me! H

Hi there all! I'm so glad to be back writing today- I feel so recharged and refreshed and for some reason like I have just come out of a fitness fog...I have a few updates for you though. First is, while I found some really amazing things in myself and in life while working with a life coach I have decided to not renew my monthly meetings with her. She is amazing and if you need a life coach you know who I would recommend but I really felt that I needed to use that time and energy in a new place- ie back into the gym. I have refocused myself and my goals, and so far, my mind and my body have been on the same path for what feels like the first time in MONTHS. I have to keep reminding myself that progress isn't linear and that sometimes it is ok to take a break and not push yourself like crazy every week, ya know for the rest of your life. haha. But I happy to say that being back in the gym on a regular basis and lifting like I used to and eating on plan has made me f