Long Time, No See...
Hi there everyone.
I can't believe how long it has been since I wrote anything here, months have gone by and my life has been changing and evolving. Some things have gotten better and some things have definitely gotten worse...the things that have gotten better are great but the things that have gotten worse- or out of control really got away from me.
One thing in particular was this blog. I remember loving to write here and using it as an outlet for my emotional needs and for me to push some of the anxiety in my life out. This place was a part of my healing and my journey and I just lost it. I left it behind and wow it made a difference.
I guess I should start where I left off.
The last post here was about my birthday and while it was a good birthday everything was already piling up on top of me- stress from work was growing immense and my social life and other obligations pushed my workouts to the back burner. I have managed to maintain my weight within a healthy range ( the mid 150s) somehow but there have been other consequences. One is that in September I started anxiety medication.
I hated the fact that I felt I was getting worse and worse mentally rather than better. I had conquered my eating disorder but I had lost my coping skill and with putting my exercise routine last I had no way to cope with the mounting pressures in my life. I turned to medication at the advice of my doctor but I am hoping that by stepping my workouts back up and writing here and more regularly attending therapy (which I also stopped doing) I can stop using these medications.
Don't get me wrong, if you need them take them, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking medication when you really need it. The problem is...I don't think I need it. I never needed it before and I feel like I can be the kind of person who manages my emotional state without them. Also, I feel I have to mention that I have experienced some serious side effects which I do not care for either
(one of which has been decreased ability or drive in the gym). So yeah, here we are coming up on a new year and I am finally getting back into the habit of giving my gym time more effort and more time- I have some clear goals set out for myself and I am going to reach them!
I thought I would give myself a reminder of where I was and where I am now- part of combating the negative thoughts in my head and to let you all see that it can be done with hard work, dedication, waking up every day and choosing to honor yourself, and love yourself enough to change.
I can't believe how long it has been since I wrote anything here, months have gone by and my life has been changing and evolving. Some things have gotten better and some things have definitely gotten worse...the things that have gotten better are great but the things that have gotten worse- or out of control really got away from me.
One thing in particular was this blog. I remember loving to write here and using it as an outlet for my emotional needs and for me to push some of the anxiety in my life out. This place was a part of my healing and my journey and I just lost it. I left it behind and wow it made a difference.
I guess I should start where I left off.
The last post here was about my birthday and while it was a good birthday everything was already piling up on top of me- stress from work was growing immense and my social life and other obligations pushed my workouts to the back burner. I have managed to maintain my weight within a healthy range ( the mid 150s) somehow but there have been other consequences. One is that in September I started anxiety medication.
I hated the fact that I felt I was getting worse and worse mentally rather than better. I had conquered my eating disorder but I had lost my coping skill and with putting my exercise routine last I had no way to cope with the mounting pressures in my life. I turned to medication at the advice of my doctor but I am hoping that by stepping my workouts back up and writing here and more regularly attending therapy (which I also stopped doing) I can stop using these medications.
Don't get me wrong, if you need them take them, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking medication when you really need it. The problem is...I don't think I need it. I never needed it before and I feel like I can be the kind of person who manages my emotional state without them. Also, I feel I have to mention that I have experienced some serious side effects which I do not care for either
(one of which has been decreased ability or drive in the gym). So yeah, here we are coming up on a new year and I am finally getting back into the habit of giving my gym time more effort and more time- I have some clear goals set out for myself and I am going to reach them!
I thought I would give myself a reminder of where I was and where I am now- part of combating the negative thoughts in my head and to let you all see that it can be done with hard work, dedication, waking up every day and choosing to honor yourself, and love yourself enough to change.
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