A Letter to the Old Julie

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As many of you know, not only am I in therapy for my eating disorder recovery but I also have added in the help of a life coach. She is a wonderful guide and has been giving me homework to do-which has been extremely helpful and sometimes even fun. One of the things she gave me to do this week was write a letter to the Old Me.

Dear Julie (then),

I am so sorry that I wasn't strong enough to protect you, that you had to suffer any of the horrible things you had to. I didn't know that you had an eating disorder, that you needed help and I couldn't see that. In some ways, I am grateful that you got us this far; right now though I feel alot of pity for you- how sad and small and fragile you were; how much time you spent hating yourself, hating the people and how they either tortured you or were completely indifferent...the only shinning star in all that blackness was dad. He held you up when you fell, he cheered you on in all the things you ever tried, he warmed you when cold and his light reflected onto you keeping you bright. I just hope that I can live up to his example,  that by shinning myself he still shines here. You couldn't have known how things have turned out...There are days, not today mind you, where I am angry at you. Angry for not trying harder, for not getting help sooner, for not giving yourself the life you deserved sooner. I hope that I can honor you and all your hardships and sacrifice by keeping to my new life and lifestyle. Maybe I will write you again sometime. Maybe in some parallel universe you receive these letters and learn more and sooner this time. Make peace with yourself and you will become stronger. I promise.

Julie

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