Symptom Relapse- Returning To Therapy

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Hi there all.

Just wanted to give people a heads up about what has been going on with me. So, I am experiencing a bit of a relapse in my eating disorder symptoms...they have been quiet for awhile and I had discontinued therapy in the hopes that I would be able to regulate any on going problems by myself. However, after weeks of stress and different problems and challenges that have happened in my life I have noticed that my symptoms have gotten worse and worse. My thought patterns, unhealthy habits and relationships with food have led me to the conclusion that I must resume therapy in order to keep myself from a more serious relapse or set back.

I know, logically, that progress isn't linear and that I have made so many rallys before when I felt like I was out of control...I just have to do it again, but there are times when I feel angry that I have to put in so much effort where others don't. I find it so unfair that I have to constantly be on my guard about my eating disorder, my weight, my workouts, my food....where as other people can just eat as they choose. It makes me so angry that I have to constantly rally at all. Sigh.

So, in the defense of being transparent to you all, of really living the truth and working to make myself the best possible version of myself I can be...I wanted to tell you all where my mind has been. I am eternally grateful for all of you and your support. I will keep writing and working and hopefully you will still keep reading too.





 As a mental and emotional exercise I would like to list a few things here that I am really unhappy about:

1. I am mad that I had to cut my hair.
2. I am angry that my face has been breaking out due to hormonal changes.
3. I hate that I haven't felt like I am eating well or working out well.
4. I am angry that I FEEL like I have to work more than other people.
5. I hate the feeling of the unknown.
6. I hate crying all the time and being upset at what feels like nothing.

Comments

  1. DmoneydancesJune 7, 2019 at 8:14 AM

    Your list of things you're unhappy about really hits home for me. Thank you for your honesty & for sharing. It's provides a little relief to know I'm not alone. It's incredibly frustrating because I feel like I'm constantly battling in my head the dos and don'ts, the should and shouldn't, the maybe 'I'll have some control this time' but immediately prove myself wrong. It angers me how much food controls my every waking moment. It feels obsessive. You are not alone. Don't give up. We are here for YOU.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Powerhouse BarbieJune 7, 2019 at 8:33 AM

      Thank you so much! I know it helps to hear that there are other people out there having the same or similar issues that I am as well. It feels obsessive because it probably is, and I am working on that. XOXOXOXO

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