Finding My Fit: Powerlifting and Eating Disorders

I had an amazing time getting interviewed by my strong and wonderful friend Lauren for her new coaching and inspirational movement called Moving Bravely! 

Hi there everyone! Welcome back to another edition of Julie fails at life or rather what I need to do to confront both the direct and indirect symptoms of my Eating Disorder.  So often I do feel like a complete failure when I have a bad day. Anyone else feel like that sometimes? Then once it is all over and I have worked myself up and lost all sense of control and eaten my feelings away or dissolved into a blubbering mess on the floor- I feel better. Its a constant struggle of feeling like you are hitting the emotional bottom and then bouncing straight back up. There is a sense of catharsis in letting it all out after being wound up and up and up all day only to explode into a mess of emotion and let it all go. I mean it works- but it isnt exactly practical. Having a melt down every so often, especially when you are under a lot of stress, just seems to get in the way. Then there comes the back lash you can get when you then feel weak, like you can not make it or you aren't stro

Sometimes the only thing people here or see are the good and strong moments. It is really hard to show people the weak moments. I just wrote this like half  an hour ago...sometimes you need to remind yourself that you are actually sick and that even though you are technically in recovery that it doesn't mean you have been "healed". For anyone who is wondering, this is what a not so great meal time looks like to me: "Why do I do this to myself? I do this same thing over and over and i never seem to learn....i feel like Prometheus- a man who did a great deed and then was punished over and over every single day his action. I convince myself that I deserve a treat, that I have been good, that I am hungry, that it will all be OK....and then I eat, and eat, and eat without thinking or hesitation and then....in the moments after, when all is said and done, i hate myself for having forced so much food in my body. I hate myself in those moments after when it feels like eve